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Hey, um. In the off chance that anyone is like me and checks LiveJournal every, oh, couple of months, several months, whatever, and wonders what people they used to talk to are up to. I'm still alive and around and doing well. Feel free to like, comment if you want to try and recommunicate elsewhere perhaps. Chances are I have or would want to do the same with you. :)

Otherwise let this be a Blessed Space where the memories of the past can peacefully snooze against the fuzzy wuzzy tummy of Totoro.

Jul. 29th, 2012

So uhhhh how do you start these things again

I got four wisdom teeth pulled last Monday, plus a top tooth next to one. Luckily I knew better and had a morning appointment, so didn't have to worry about watching what I ate or any of that bull. My mom's new husband and I guess my new father-in-law drove me to and from the place in his Porsche which was my first time riding in it. Of course the first time's when I'll barely remember it haha.

Anyway, got in did my prep blahblahblah. General Anesthesia is fuckin' weird because I remember sitting there tilted back in a chair while the doc slowly dribbled it into my arm, and then my body felt kind of warm and I was kind of struggling to stay awake, gave in and then hazily remember being led to the recoup room and then helped downstairs. Pretty similar to that feeling I had being hit by the car a few years ago. Same kind of memory loss and time displacement. It's some freaky shit.

It's coming up on a week since and I'm kind of surprised the pain hasn't been so bad. I think it's partially due to all of the teeth being pulled out pretty cleanly. Like, the doc was talking about how he'd have to saw them in bits but there's maybe a few tiny chunks of teeth left in my mouth. Meanwhile I have a little baggie of 5 teeth in pretty good condition. But yeah pain's been surprisingly mild, kind of got a sore throat and tired of salt water rinses, and been having to squirt some into my gaping bottom holes to get food bits out. I'll be totally honest I can't stand just eating liquidy foods and have the biggest desire for the tangiest burger and saltiest french fries right now.

Uh other than that, yeah, my mom got married about a month ago to a guy she's been seeing for over 15 years. It's kind of weird for a lot of reasons, mostly that I barely saw the dude over that 15 years. I think the longest time he spent here was when he helped clean out part of our garage, and even then I only saw him for like 15-30 minutes. But yeah with them married my mom's living at his place six days a week and I have the house MOSTLY to myself. My kid brother's still leeching off us for now but apparently he's moving out in a month or so. My life's a bit back on course and I guess I'll see where it goes over the rest of the year.

Anywhos just felt like blabbin and this is my only social media platform (albeit kind of hidden??) so hope yalls been goods. Laters.

Jan. 20th, 2012

So I've been noticing lately that my emotional state is parallel to when I am injecting my hormones. Such as, I am really upbeat and chipper the first weekend/week or so after I've injected, and that next weekend/week I get more and more... I guess weepy is a good word for it? Until I've injected again and the cycle continues. As such maths point to, "Oh, I was on a downhill around New Years. That actually explains a lot." Needless to say I'll bring it up with my doc in March but I can't really do much else about it except be more aware of it happening, or let people around me know about it too just in case.

Not a lot really going on these days. Just kind of coasting through life. I should honestly make more of a career for myself but I'm always kind of unmotivated. That and the most I do is volunteer at a daycare and while it makes sense that there will always be kids that need watchin how many businesses are actually hiring for daycare workers? Like, I passed by a daycare in a slightly out of the way part of town a few days ago and there was all of one person there cleaning up all the tables of kid gunk. Did everyone else who worked there bail and leave her to clean everything up? Is she the only person that works during closing? I don't knooow. This is something I will work on this year definitely but uhm.

Yeah uh where was this going
Can't really sleep tonight so what's the next best thing? Fuckin' writing in a journal I barely use anymore, that's what.

Dog's still alive thank god, gonna get depressing stuff out of the way first. She's showing some signs of age but also not really slowing down, which... doesn't really help? Since my cat died while he was always pretty active too. I think I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about it, but I'm not dwelling on it at least.

Life's pretty cool I guess. My grandparents are gettin old too, let's just mortality chat. My grandpa's in his mid 80's now, grandma maybe a year or two younger than he is. He's at a point where he's having a progressive Alzheimer's going on. It's not like he forgets things now, but he'll forget a moment. He'll call and tell me about some Thanksgiving plans we have, and then just kind of hang up after delivering the message without much chat like how it used to be. My mom says my grandma gets the same way but I don't notice it too much. They're both really supportive of me, and my grandma tends to apologize to me a lot if she thinks she's mucking something up, but she usually doesn't and I'm fine with it. I guess my Grandpa has it in his head he wants to spend his birthday with my mom and her sister who's really only recently been involved in family stuff lately... sort of. That's a whole 'nother story. Either way, that just frees me up a weekend I guess.

Ummm. Not too much else going on, I guess. Kind of just plodding around life doin what I gotta do. There's a bunch of outside drama going on but I really just try and tune it out. It's much easier when I don't worry about which family members are dating now or the continued adventures of my kid brother, dad at 18. It is noooooot worth my time.

Honestly more surprised at how much I really don't worry about. I mean yeah I don't date like ever and it'd be cool to sure, but totally not doing a thing about it. To be fair that probably makes it worse? Who knows.

There's other stuff like wondering what some of my old friends are up to, what corner of the internet they're on now, stuff like that, but 'sides trying to find them myself it pretty much comes down to "Well I hope they have a good life at least" because I sure as hell don't know haha.

Iuno if I feel "motivated" and by motivated I mean if I can't sleep another night soon maybe I'll do some dumb shit like talk about how I feel I've changed over X-years because that kind of thinking can be interesting sometimes. Obvs not tonight I need to fricken sleep.

Mar. 2nd, 2011

I don't think I'll ever get used to injecting.

Doing ok on the cat front, I'll still hear creaks in the house and think it's him about to scratch on my door, but I've gotten over that for the most part. The most recent breakdown probably being a few weeks ago, but that was a bunch of bad things going on the whole day that just kind of culminated in that.

Not really a whole lot else going on nope.

Jan. 24th, 2011

After at least 15 years, maybe longer, my cat Skittle, finally passed on tonight

It's kind of a surprise, because to be honest, there was a period of about a year or two where we all thought that he was going to finally go. He was having urination problems - spasms almost, and hid under nooks all the time. Finally as of last year or so he got out of that habit and started spending time with us again.

It was until last winter or so that he started sleeping in the litter box all day and started having a few urination episodes again. I kind of worried something was up and did my best to try and make things more accommodating; I'd pull him out of the litter box, and try and sit with him as long as I could. Sometimes it was only a few minutes before he'd jump off and go back in the box, but as time went on he'd start sleeping on my lap more often.

Right around the new year he started sleeping on my bed with me again, right about when the post-winter flea season started again. It was kind of a return to years past, where he'd be sleep with me a lot more often. So for the last two weeks we've been sleeping together again and I've really enjoyed it.

Finally tonight, after sitting with my mom while she watched TV, he finally passed on. It was quick, and I have that much to be thankful about it.

I'm not gonna lie, I'll really miss him. There was a period of time where he really was the only friend that I had. When I'd not go to school because the people there were making me feel like shit, and hid in my top-only bunk bed, he'd crawl up this intricate system of drawers and desks and ladder rungs to see me in bed. I'd spend nights where it was just me laying on the bed with him on my chest purring, and didn't want it any other way.

I really don't know where to go from here. I have a lot of good memories with him, a lot of things that were going on in my life that he was around for, and I'll really miss him. It's kind of early I'm not even gonna lie but I really don't want to say that I have any regrets. I worried about it last year and did all I could to spend time with him, and even up to today he sat on my lap for a few hours before I put him back on my bed so I could take a shower.

I'm really really really going to miss him, but I'm glad I did all that I could to make things the best for him. And I'm really glad that's the case.
I totally want any and all cyberpunk to make me feel like a real woman again.

So, not to make anyone too worried, but I got in a car accident Sunday, was in the hospital until Wednesday, and now I'm out an about. Sort of. All I know is some lady ran into me when I crossed a street. The worst that happened was my clavicle/collar bone broke, and that may have been after the initial impact. They have me in a figure-8 strap for that, and a gigantic neck collar as a precaution. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't bigger than an X-box. Ally has a tiny, girly neck. Yes yes.

That's really it. They say it'll heal in 6 weeks at a minimum, but considering the little amount of pain I'm feeling now, and all the praise they were giving me for the sheer lack of pain, it may be sooner. But not soon enough to pass Max 300. Oh, no. No no no no no.



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